I take inspiration from real unastoria and build around a little 'novel "because alcuneaffermazioni may be too heavy to think of them as true because some aspects of this story I do not know them fully, nonostanteabbia lived close enough to this difficult choice.
name in the story, if it is Hermes disguised himself, responding to a chat on blackberry: hochiesto that the name was chosen for himself, if he had not called as chiamanella reality. nonproprio confess to having taken the first choice ...
Ermes.Di not speak on behalf of all the points made in the story, I take full responsibility inprima person. To you understand the real ones, distinguishing them from those forced dalromanzo.
storiaproprio the Public Jan. 30, the last day of Hermes in Italy ... because this is the unicomodo I know to hope to be able to swim across the river without getting caught by the current.
September
If I sit for a moment eripenso the last ten years of my working life, I think I have subitouna endless series of corporate changes over which together with mieicolleghi I heard crying, laughing and joking. I have always been ready aribaltare the world and I've never been scared to do it.
Yet this time is different: this time I return!
My story is born in a mattinadi September, a morning like any other, in which the heat giraumido still in the air and the taste and smells of salt water into his nostrils oliabbronzanti you enter when you get on a small unaferrovia wagon. My name is Hermes
igiorni and catch the same train from the provinces to the big city, I go down to Milan, I stop for a coffee and a croissant and then go into one of the most grandisocietà Italian, who knows now only of great numbers Building revenue money it manages.
qualunque.Ero For me it was one morning sitting at his desk with his hand in the list I had made the call personeda, suppliers, and to solicit e-mails to be sent. I followed Ilmio project with confidence, even though I had him moltepersone eyes, hoping that project was ditched, along with a couple deimiei responsible. We were pursuing the automation of some diattività that ultimately would ensure a faster delivery and precisadegli orders to suppliers. It is true that some were hoping for some grossolanierrori of our staff, to point the finger at my managers and farlifuori. My
responsible assicuravanoogni day I needed to support all activities carried out. Illora professional support was secured and I needed plenty perschivare the many knives that passed daily on my head. Vieri, forty-six, a consultant for nature, man by mistake and Giorgia quarantanoveanni, bitch by nature, woman by mistake. Two things that seemed lontanidai human feelings, just enough not to try at least empatiadi meet the normal conditions of our employees: the joy of birth, the concern of an intervention, the first steps of a child, the genitorimalati ... were all events that were to remain strictly daidiscorsi away with them, they spoke only of numbers, turnover and productivity.
I got used to us. La Nuova management was, well away from the paternalistic embrace of my old kapok held me in his office for hours talking about scenarios industrial altolivello quarrels large and small businessmen. He knew all the world nelquale we moved and it was determined to give us a share, for the nostrolavoro not remain an end in itself. The new management was made of dirigentilicenziati overnight steps of unexplained unufficio people from the other, posting in the group companies, of belonging to a sudden arrivals dipersonale clear rope: a climate of terror deitempi worthy of Robespierre.
half that fell to prendereun morning coffee at the bar with my old friend of Pericles, as I usually do tantoin just to show my hand "human" at work. A friend colquale smoked on a balcony reserved for the "vicious" disigarette whole package before returning to the office, gossip and telling novitàdel work and with whom, when I quit smoking, we mantenutoquest'abitudine moving in a bar.
On my return, diricominciare first to work, I consulted my private email. She was there, three or four discretatra alert type spamming, lying pure and intact in suabellezza. I did not know the sender, subject was anything but bland: "Proposal". I thought back to the nights I spent as a young man playing poker conglomerate and friends came to my mind the image of Sergio who used to nibble Lecarte one by one, stopping at a colored ball qualifossero guess the number and suit of cards, one after the 'another, for five volte.Decisi to do so ...
I caught the name of the sender ecercai the domain that appeared in the email address. It was unasocietà of headhunters specializing in international research staff alivello. Based in Belgium, worked hard to try dipendentidi European countries for companies based in London. The situation was profilandoper many ways interesting. The area where my company was moltoforte worked in London and hopes for an alternative to my current job sembravasi were materializing before me.
'm not the kind of person who, as they say in common parlance - "spit on the plate where he eats." E 'purvero that in ten years of hard work I had not gained much as posizioneall'interno of my company. Any merger or acquisition lasciatosperare I had a career, yet every When nothing is eraconcretizzato, although I remained firmly rooted "in my territory" and mifossero been widely recognized in economic capacità.Eppure my, I had not won any office manager. I was late lungoil Route career that I had for my life and figured I was going back into an even tunnel where my salary became an important variable Delmi work, although for years I could argue otherwise.
In recent months, in fact, miamoglie Cristina had left the job. It was a hard decision, gained over time after she had experienced various forms of work: a tempopieno - before marriage - in his - after pregnancy - And part-time-when the work had just begun to bear fruit is not what we eravamoimmaginati. Before the summer the situation had become untenable and that came lerichieste clashed heavily with the choice personally diseguire our daughter in her school activities eparascolastiche. So in May it was fired. During the months avevanopreceduto our decision, I never felt I had not so drastic as the consequences of sub pages in July, when I happened to look at my BankAccount, realizing for the first time in a tangible way, that the only mioera salary that went into the family. For this reason, I felt didover do everything possible to ensure the my family the same style of vitadel past, no matter what had happened.
commitment weighed. Avevamoproblemi not cheap, but I felt the terror of having to grow up I sosteneresoltanto all claims that might arise over time, discounted to the more fanciful daquelle that time may bring. I tried my parlarecon responsible for my growth expectations, even before ruoloche salary: I found a wall of indifference, which was hidden behind the usual "Let's see ..." "The parent company set out precise rules ..." those who do not dirtichiaro wants outright that "there is not, for fear that you drop everything and leave lanave before they will be dropped.
eyes on the web page deicacciatori heads reopened dreams. I went back to concentrate on the email I finally decided to open it.
"New position: London - please contact us asap"
Nothing. Nor what, nor where, Neque. So, a little 'disappointed and let the mieiriferimenti said listlessly, almost mechanically, as I had done at other times for inviodel my resume to other companies. Thought no more until after a settimanaesatta the answer.
October
The beauty of this story is chetutto happened unexpectedly, almost fell from the sky even when the hope was piùremota fall, like leaves in autumn. The second day of this front was leading a call history.
I was in a meeting. Avvicinandosila date of issue of the project, the meetings became more rare econ fewer people taking part: there was to do, you could not perderetempo. Only the "large" were involved. Other workers. Among primispettatori there were those who risked losing a seat if the project does not go incubated in port. The same habit that never nonaccettavano meeting invitations in case some commitment gives the most important held them busy (but then what commitment?), Here were the first asollecitarle, to ask questions, to prevaricate on the faults of late, to say andnot tell if a part of the project was issued in the first phase or nellaseconda or third. Opposite them sat the executioners, those cheguardavano stealthily, with his glasses on his nose and down occhisfuggenti, muttering words like "delay", "not done", "we are not" ... placing a time to time, with the beat of a gong that bloody one by unosuona the tolling of bells to death.
sirespirava I left the room where the smell of incense and oils to anoint the dead. I breathed in deeply listened to my silent partner who explained to me by the thread and segnodi what position it was. Began to sprout wings to their feet and iocon started to fly to London, to dream a new job, nuovicolleghi, a new environment where you can start again, without that burden cheultimamente was becoming oppressive. Were staring at me an interview ... oh my pen! I stopped the first connecting the hand that passed and I scored the date, time and place of the interview. Had been a colleague, perhaps I would have kissed dallafelicità.
I rushed from Pericles and loimplorai out for coffee. I had to talk to someone. My wife nonpoteva hear: that morning he was in hospital for some tests. Dovevoparlare, I had to express my happiness to someone. Pericles was the unicapersona trusted.
The first meeting was in Milan. Perhaps have the company was a partner with whom I was working on my project. Perhaps have one of the directors of the company was to work in Italy. For casosapevo that the contract with that company shall contain a clause for mutual nondistrazione staff. Things were complicated, but I questonon frightened. I went out to dinner with this ruling: we loved it. He erauna person quite evident and sincere as I am. Our obiettivisi met. My experience served them. Perhaps my richiestaeconomica was higher than he had in mind, but it would be seen infuturo. The next step would be to go to London to do an interview.
How long since I went to London? A lot. The image the red double-decker bus with the word huge "employeeData" it occurred to me and I burst out laughing for my stupidity: entangled happiness does tricks on ...
When I got home my wife was waiting for my wake up in bed. I walked into the room and saw her face in sottiletrasformarsi a big question mark. The "Hello" died in the mouth. Nonaveva the courage to ask me anything, and so any anticipai soffertadomanda "I'm going to London to talk with the leaders." I'm not sure what lepassò eyes. Not sure if it was a flash of sadness or happiness, because in the end between us and many things had changed in recent times nonriuscivo to interpret its always been mood. Any sentimentofosse state was perfectly believable sadness for a husband who goes away alavorare, happiness in order to achieve a small tappanell'obiettivo that I had given. If it was sad for him and happy for us or permeate not know. We hugged each other without saying anything and before going to bed to his room fiancopassai from Sofia. I have told him sooner or later and quellasarebbe was the hardest part.
Towards the end of October I was fissatoil interview in London. I took a day off and I went early in the morning inaeroporto. Not since the last merger, the one who brought this chescherzosamente called "the French invasion of the barbarians", which is not andavoall'estero. That morning I slipped into a row of seats, gray and green, misedetti near the window and fell asleep after turning off the phone. The London
sooty smog miaccolse as if it were yesterday that I had left it last time. Sembravaun'amante not leave the bed where you made love and waiting for you there perricominciare. Yet London in front of me seemed sloppy and dirty, less attractive than when I had been there last summer. I took the metrofino to and I found myself in the lobby that if I was hired, I would have known better and better over time. I smiled at the receptionist, pensandoche in a few months and I could see her smile every day ilex kindly asked me to wait for the assistant director delpersonale come down to get me. There's not much and a sweet signorinaorientale dressed in a gray suit he invited me to follow neidieci building plans where the company was teeming with people. I was portatoinnanzi the Court that would decide my fate and in fact regalitàsi dissolved when the assistant left the room and the director turned unuomo friendly and affable. One hour. Talk, curriculum and hopes. Easpettative dreams intertwined needs of the man, who had a clear visionemolto of his work and knew exactly what could he do. Mirivelai the missing piece of the puzzle that was building and he told me in modoassolutamente blunt: "We treat the offer."
I left the room with large wings are much better now and I phoned my wife. "It 's done, Christ!" I said and mioentusiasmo was dampened only by not being able to see his face perinterpretare his state of mind at that time. Progettidi now drowning in life outside my usual world and I project a future that finalmentesapeva drops of happiness.
November
After a few days of colloquiomi contacted as headhunter. It was like a piece of sky that falls off label on your finger when you think it lacks little to touch it Erubo forever. "The company does not accept his economic proposal." Questel sun cold words of an email that I still have a warning of what lecose can change suddenly. That was my price. That was Ilmio value ... What did he mean? That was not worth enough? What did they think? Chei could move to London, to live alone, go back almost every weekend aCasa from my wife and my daughter in the first bearing the costs?
Someone asked me a domandaimpertinente. Why do it? To get away from your family? Trovaredavvero for job satisfaction?
that question much thought ive days. I had to give an answer to my headhunter, that's just my nonvoleva head: I was wondering soul.
Why was I doing? I did not love his wife down and that was probably the cleanest way to close between us, choosing to live their lives away each other? I would potutoricominciare: a life somewhere else, another home, another job. Nelfrattempo And I could keep my wife and my daughter. Was this? Unabanale choice of convenience that not everyone can afford?
allospecchio one day I looked in the eyes, looking for the answer to my sincere soul potesserimandarmi and was violent. It was the violence of an "I love my wife and figliae do it for them." Splashed on the walls of the bathroom as blood from a feritaprofonda myself and I felt hurt inside of me for having perhaps dubitatoun moment. I did this for them, I agreed to change the city and lavoronel full of my years in order to bring them more, to a giornotornare in Italy and know you gave it all I could anni.Sarebbero been in those dark years, sad. I knew that I would work like crazy until late at night, because I did not, however, nor to female party birthday qualiaccompagnare Sofia, or meetings at school that could distract me. Sareirincasato late and I dined alone. I would go to sleep without nullala evening, and then start the next day. For one day a month, a anno.Non matter the time. I would have done for all the time required ariguadagnare estimate that perhaps a bit 'I lost my eyes more than ailoro. And with them I might have saved me too and I thought diavia the dignity lost over the last years of work.
contacted the hunter. Gliconfermai I could get. I gave him a cap and within duegiorni called me back. There is an agreement. Single point system: clausolacontrattuale that I had investigated and that kept me from fire me Peress hired by the company without the approval of my managers.
sceglierequando At this point I had to talk about it. The shift in production was imminent. I had to wait imiei and new managers were in agreement: the customer first. Iltempo I had to ponder my position to place each word in its place peril interview with the head of my boss. I decided I would andatodritto her, because she has the moves that were first broken promises.
the day of passage was not inproduzione when it was fixed. There were so tantiproblemi that we had postponed. I no longer felt at ease in my castellosolitario. I had a confident, good old Pericles, who confessed imiei moods and I was listening to when we made assumptions on how didirlo, possible reactions, the scenarios envisaged.
Yet I was no longer in pelle.Oramai was like if projected forward, away from the world of mioquotidiano. I did a project where I lost my head, trying dicapire like renting a house, in which district, the expenses avreiaffrontato. I tried to imagine the feelings that I tried, I would miss personeche and those that I would be glad not to see, new people with whom I worked, the places that I visited.
I was no longer in Milan, was Java, except for the moments I spent with the family. Those were perhaps the piùduri. I happened sometimes to dwell on the face of Sofia, as she erased the table and did the tasks and how many times I thought that face misarebbe missed and if I would cry. I thought the performances, the songs, games, interviews with teachers, trips to parks, to skiing and skating races cones. How I lost? I would really be able to return equant every weekend for five days of life I could recover in two days?
December
ungiorno The project was delayed again when a heavy snow covered the city. I was there in the forefront, with guns pointed at in case of error, the only victim to be sacrificed incase of failure. On that day, but many came late in primopomeriggio were all there to listen to the many problems that brought us adescludere a step in production before December 22. We had finished
laresponsabile recently when my boss called me into his office. It was decided as a impulsoimprovviso born within you and find the road. I spoke to cuoreaperto. I told her that I had expectations, the promises that I avevafatto and the way one by one they had been disregarded. The raccontaidell'opportunità and how I want to seize, by a decision Edun force ready to crush any opposition. There was no opposition, mauna unconditional surrender that almost led her to shake hands with me percomplimentarsi of my success. It was done, I thought. We had decideresolo when. You have no idea
dellaperfidia and sometimes perverse snuff business that some people, if we slam the nose nonquando against. My manager and director vollerocondividere with our CEO and the decision to release me AluI was put my case.
Until then storiaera that was mine and the people to whom I had chosen to tell, because I needed to vent, because I need some advice, perchèerano somehow part of my life and I wanted to be part of active opassiva, also that my decision. Well, from then on quellofu "the case" recognition of an employee who wanted to quit to go to unfornitore with whom we had the business. The employee was no longer me. Ilfornitore was no longer my future employer. The business was no longer Ilmio project. I was getting everything out of the hands and I could not help it. Miera was asked to maintain a proper level of confidentiality on this matter, I should not even talk to my boss.
The days passed and sapevonulla. The director was elusive, it is understood that when she was looking for an update perchiederle she was annoyed. I was becoming a problemaper she was becoming a possible reason why it could be attacked, so I had to Starla at large and let agirenel had free reign to his interest. Because the great thing is that in the extreme situation in qualeci are all against all, each one thinks only of course the consequences cheogni small event will have on its perimeter. Only between desaparecidos COMEM few phone calls in which we feel you compliment a nice lavorosvolto or for a beautiful presentation. Those are just little touches of unmondo working ideal that I know I have more here, but I hope to trovarelassù where I am going to move.
was just before Christmas laresponsabile walked into my office and asked me to join him in a salariunioni. I followed her. A few words: "deal". I shook the world addosso.Pensai the worst, I thought he wanted to push the deal for me to do uscitafino give the other party. I know that if they wanted to play avrebberopotuto incorrect and I would not have surprised. After all, I eroquello which was used to fund a project to bring in which both the buyer and supplier Cheil had every incentive to succeed.
Me pulled out. Volevosapere not like I was treated like a commodity. Volevoconoscere not my market value, traded a few days in some supportoo license. I asked her just to tell me when it was over quellatrattativa few days later came the response: "We have closed and exit afin January."
I was free. I had dissolved lecatene and now I could fly. I could leave behind the weight of the two nest and soar bitterly spat blood in hopes of a better job, despite the difficulties posed to achieve that goal.
Christmas was near. Worked comeun crazy day, I had not anticipated because the project would leave essereportato completed. I was late at night and I had to put up with the phrases bastard diincoraggiamento of my head, that at nine o'clock, after twelve hours erofisso the computer, along with everyone in my group, presentavagagliardo to tell us that we had to go all out and make an effort in more. Emai not been a good manager. It has never been a manager. A manager provaempatia for your group, you recognize, is a leader. He terrorizes IComponent his team to the point that comes out of his mouth a phrase that does not siavalidata and endorsed. I was not used to living in fear, nor do I sonolasciato drag from him: I have always done professionally my work, without bowing to any compromise. I never particolarmenteapprezzato: At this point do not follow him anymore. I was almost pain: statolasciato was out of choice to keep me or let me go. It had nothing statochiesto and was not even aware of the fact that I stavaperdendo. A blow to the pride that only a person like him, senzasentimenti least in appearance, with his indifferenza.Eppure could hold for him, I hope that be a lesson to understand how and piccolisiamo appaiamo the eyes of those who are higher us.
Just before Christmas the notiziasi spread like a boomerang. I wanted to whisper to people allequali I had a special desire, to those I had supported, endured aiutatoo that I had helped to grow. But no, it was a rumor spread by Chesi building on Christmas Eve "from the Rhine River Manzanares." No matter how loseppi. I was sorry and that's it.
Christmas I spent with miafamiglia. My wife and my daughter. The only two people that it was penaavere next in that moment, the only ones that I wanted to support potevo.Forse until none of us had realized until now what it meant questaavventura and even now I'm telling what I experienced myself mene I can be accountable. It was a beautiful evening, to Christmas, so beautiful cheval the pain that remains locked within the four walls of the heart of who was there.
January
The month of January was a inferno.Oramai all the people who worked with me knew of my choice. Sose was not out of envy or anger, but treated me as someone cheappositamente did the wrong things. I do not give more thought nulladel work and did not realize instead of what I actually he cared Alaskan things well dusted, placed on shelves, in order for those miavrebbe below.
I resumed my regular caffècon friend Pericles, in the morning when I arrived in Milan, but eravamooramai at two different locations, because the company was moving potevocontare and less on her shoulder to cry. So the coffee mattinaera's the only time of day where I felt a little 'home, a po'protetto. For the remainder of the arena and I had to jump from one part all'altraper not be impaled by the horns of bulls.
Apart from the work the rest erauna frenzy unique documents, search for housing, visas, and TODO list of things to wear. With the soundtrack of sadness that sounded like ilsilenzio barracks.
I was not there with his head. Credodi myself frequently absent in those days. I happened to stop escoprire I was trying to store more memories possible: fotografavoi faces, recorded the voices, marked the smiles in your heart. I did not know if time and dopoquanto I would see those faces, but I was sure it would have been the daily miopane especially in the early days.
And most of all I was trying to goderela my family, my wife, who seemed to harden his heart more and more Pernon suffer and not me that was suffering, and my daughter playing at the indifferentecon the tears I could hold a commendable strength of volontà.Era been too good in recent months to ease the weight of questadecisione Perhaps it seemed like a game, where the father does not hide c'èper a bit 'and then jump off the regular weekend.
along the river banks.
Thread here at the airport. Hopassato all controls and are alone. The images I immagazzinatoiniziano to flow in the heart do not feel anything, maybe because I'm taking a frenotutta the emotional power that is in me. I think I fear the time when qualescoppierà because it will be really violent. They called the flight. Ready to gate.Il number 16. It is said that 16 good luck, right? I need ... entronel tunnel that leads me to the plane. I have no baggage for me, I've uploaded tuttonella hold. I only have a small bag with some photos in Sofia volutodarmi not shown before. They were sealed in an envelope marked "Perpapà off. It was his handwriting. Even that I would miss ... Leguarderò just sat: the promise was to look at them on the plane, not before.
later. I am a nice hostess Fastrada in my place. He speaks only English and the rest of the plane compagniadi British flag. I have to get used to, I mean English, even if London èpiena of Italian immigrants, I say. Call me smile at the thought of "immigrant." Many years ago, half a century ago, would have been an "immigrant". Possodefinirmi now proudly a "Community worker, even if Great Bretagnafa a little 'tantrums with the European Community. I look around. There are tantiuomini with the briefcase. I have my purse with key documents chemi need to get started and a small player mp3. In addition to photos diSofia ... course.
I sit, seat belt EAPRO the bag. I wonder if I'll be thinking Sofia now. "Baby, I'm opening them pictures ...". There are several photographs, nine, one for each year of life Sofia.Le look one by one, I remember the moments in which I have taken: appenaallattata, the first steps, the feast of the nursery, the first day of scuolamaterna, the first tooth that falls, the feast of remigini, the book discuola, a summer at sea last Christmas. Behind each phrase, always lastessa "I love you. Think of me, Dad. Sofia. " I stop and detain lelacrime. I make everything easier to flight departure. Put via photos, I close the bag, attack my music. I choose " Airplanes," the hum to distract myself, I fall asleep a bit '. A message from the captain
all'arrivomi awakens from slumber. I arrived. My adventure begins here. Quandoesco plane and I put in the tunnel seems to be never nèarrivato party. Step to take my luggage. Esco and the bitter cold I prendealla throat. The soot around it makes me cough.
I'm in London, but my arrival esole the starting point.
One of my old boss I dicevasempre "I'm sitting here on the river bank to wait until it passes the dead." I do not have it done at a stand still look. I walked along the fiumeed the end I decided to swim across. We'll put all my FORZEE I do not care if the water will be raised or cold: I'm sure you do it, because I was not here alone.
And I know I do it because this Ela city of dreams, the city of my dreams ...
Can we pretend That airplanes
in the night sky
are like shooting stars
I ca n really wish to use right now
(wish right now)
(wish right now).
